Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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