Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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