Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
