I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize