i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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