Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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