I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
