Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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