Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize