When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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