I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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