Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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