fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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