I'm gonna have a badass scar
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
