new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
