a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
