Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
