Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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