Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
