sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
