i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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