HIV tests are more positive than that guy
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Text me some of your sweat
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