my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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