i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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