Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
