Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
