He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
