I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
