these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
