I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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