she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
