Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
