well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
