I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
