everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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