her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
