I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
