I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
