Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
