the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
