At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
