It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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