Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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