I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
