Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
