I met the friendliest cop last night
She just used a chaser for red wine.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
