I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
