She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
