I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
third nipple confirmed
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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