1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize