Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
