Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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