just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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