I wish my penis had an off switch
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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