TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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