Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
