I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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