all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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