Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
how does that bad decision feel?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
