First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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