# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
