i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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