Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
