I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
