You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
