Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize