Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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