Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
