i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
