my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Randomize
