And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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