Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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